This post is taken from a presentation on Clergy Wellness that was cancelled due to Covid-19 lockdowns. Maybe I'll get to present it live one day, but in the meantime I decided to post some sections of it more widely. The series as whole is called Wellness in Ministry and naturally some aspects are specific to vocational ministry. However much is applicable to anyone concerned to sustain their wellbeing physically, mentally socially and spiritually. The first post was published in March 2022.
Mental Wellbeing (Taha Hinengaro)
The mental wellbeing area is another part of the wellbeing whare or house. It has to do with our mind and heart, our thoughts, feelings and conscience. What I already said about stress (Part One) has a bearing on this but here I want to briefly canvass some other useful perspectives on maintaining taha hinengaro.
Remember Hans Selye? He noticed that individuals differ in their response to stress because of variations in personality, past experiences, coping strategies, and the ways they think about events. This can mean that what is invigorating and motivating to one person is draining or scary to another. Just the difference between being an introvert – when you get your energy from within – or an extrovert – when you get your energy from other people – can make a difference as to how you respond to stress. And if you are an especially caring person, dealing with the needs of others can be draining, while others shrug it off; one of my colleagues used to dismissively say ‘stiff cheese’ when I brought up a real concern. Another pastor shocked me by proudly reporting how he had told a young person in distress to ‘harden up’ or ‘get over it’. I can’t imagine doing that, but I am able to say ‘No’ quite readily. Recognising your own patterns and those of others is a useful resource when dealing with stress and pursuing wellness. Here and in the next post are some useful approaches that might help you with taha hinengaro.
Mindfulness
A practical strategy that many have heard of in relation to managing stress is Mindfulness – a research-based way of retraining your brain. It is not Transcendental Meditation or any Eastern religion, nor does it involve emptying your mind. It does focus on your breathing, your thinking and your physical reactions to emotions. It has deep connections with the practices of early Christians like the Desert Fathers who taught meditation long before the gurus got into it. And its modern medical roots go back to Dr Herbert Benson and the Relaxation Response identified in the 1960s. Benson worked at Harvard Medical where the physiological basis of the stress response - fight and flight, and hormones like adrenaline - had been discovered many years before. His team found that various forms of relaxation could reduce metabolism, rate of breathing, heart rate, and brain activity. Benson labeled these changes the “relaxation response.” His research contexts included diaphragmatic breathing, repetitive prayer, progressive muscle relaxation, jogging, tai chi and even knitting. He went on to identify that the two necessary steps to elicit the relaxation response are:
• the repetition of a “mental device”- a sound, word, phrase prayer, or movement – and
• the setting aside of intruding thoughts by returning to the repetition.
A quiet room and a comfortable position are also helpful. The relaxation response was the foundation of Benson’s Mind-Body Medicine movement which brought spirituality and healing into medical practice in the 1990s. Apparently 60 – 90% of doctor visits are related to stress, so addressing the mind-body connection is a key way of building mental resilience.
This century the Mind-Body Medicine movement has been overtaken by the neuroscience of mindfulness which includes many relaxation response techniques but goes much wider and deeper. The best way I have found to learn mindfulness is with a clinical psychologist who teaches mindfulness in person and online a very hands-on way. Incidentally she is a committed Christian, and mentions prayer in the training when she knows there is a faith dimension in the audience. Find her free resources here.
Reframing Stress
I introduced Lynne Baab's writing on Stress in Part One. In her book Nurturing Hope there is a useful concept she calls Reframing Stress. She first learned about it in a book called Sacred Stress, which presents a Christian perspective on coping with pressure. The authors George Faller and Heather Wright use their own life stories as examples of how to reframe what is happening in stressful times. For example, Heather, who is a marriage counsellor, experienced severe stress at the time of her divorce; it had affected both her home and career, as she and her husband worked together. As she processed the impact of the breakup, she realised part of the stress came from shame that she couldn’t fix her marriage, despite her expertise. As things were falling apart, someone told her about the notion I introduced in the first post, about the cumulative nature of stress. She reflects: At the time, the thought that “stress is cumulative” helped me make sense of it all. But while there is wisdom in that notion, there is also a negativity and fatalism to it. I thought I needed to avoid stress; I became afraid and avoided pressure. I now realize that stress does not have to be cumulative, nor is it a death sentence for a marriage." (SS p119). Heather and her coauthor George argue that stress can motivate us to grow in important areas of life. George was a firefighter in New York City on September 11, 2001, and his life was changed by the trauma he experienced that day, and over time, as he helped colleagues deal with their experience. As he developed his capacity to be vulnerable with family and friends, he realised how reframing a stressful event could make it an opportunity for growth and learning, “I began to discover the treasure buried alongside the hurt. Stress isn’t my enemy; it is my companion. Stress helped me turn separateness into wholeness.” (SS p 123)
Both Heather and George saw their faith develop because of these major stressful events in their lives. They processed their pain with others and with God, and grew to see God as active and worthy of their trust. They coined the phrase “befriending stress,” which is about allowing ourselves to feel the emotions raised by the stressful situation, turning toward others with vulnerability that allows them to care for us; and receiving God’s deep love which comes to us in the hurt. Rather than fearing the cumulative effect of stress, we can notice coping strategies we have learned, and the many helpful resources around us, and so access our own creativity, energy, and gifts.
To Consider:
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