A Rule of Life

I'm an oldest kid, so grew up pretty dutiful, and responsible, and with a healthy respect for rules. I  indicate going both on and off the roundabout, I read the instructions before putting a flatpack together, and I hold fast to the polity of my denomination, even when others have left the rules far behind. However I have also received tickets for going 70kph in a 50k area, burned copies of Kids CDs for other people, and occasionally left a sleeping child in the car while I popped into the dairy. Rules are often in the mind of the beholder - and that is true of a Rule of Life as well.

We learned about a Rule of Life in Weeks Seven and Eight of our GROW programme, God's Resources and Our Willpower, based on Peter Scazzero's book about Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. The word Rule could seem intimidating, but the Benedictines who were among the earliest users of a monastic rule, tell us the word comes from  the Greek for "trellis." A trellis enables a vine to get off the ground and grow upward, allowing it to become more fruitful and productive. In the same way, a Rule of Life is a structure, a framework, to help us remain connected with God and become more fruitful spiritually.

A  Rule of Life, very simply, is an intentional, conscious plan to keep God at the center of everything we do. It includes our unique combination of spiritual practices that provide structure and direction for us to intentionally pay attention and remember God in daily life. The starting point is simply a desire to be with God and to love him.  But our crammed schedules, endless to-do lists, demanding jobs and families, constant noise, information bombardment, and anxieties keep us speeding up, not slowing down. We may have an  unconscious Rule for our spiritual life that includes church, small group Bible study and prayer. But Scazzero says these are "not enough to keep us afloat in the ocean of our twenty-first-century world". Fighting against such a strong current, without the anchor of a Rule of Life, is almost impossible.

So we have been encouraged over the last week to develop our own Rule of Life. God has made each of us unique and different. His goal for us as disciples is to draw us closer to Christ and transform our character into one that reflects his images more and more each day, but how we get there will vary enormously. Different constellations of practices of prayer, work, rest and relationships  will need to suit our personality, gift mix, temperament, geographic location, and particular calling from God. Different emphases will apply at different seasons and phases of our lives. Working it out will take self-awareness, self-forgiveness and trial and error. We need to notice what choices bring us closer to God, and which drive us away from him? Time will tell us what works best, and we can start with just one or two elements, experimenting with time, place, and rhythm. An infinite number of variations exist for a Rule. 

Each week of our GROW series we have been hearing testimonies from people of different ages and stages, as to how God is developing healthy growth in them. Some of the recent ones gave us insights into components of a personal rule that folk have found works for them. For example, last week Sarah told us of her journey with the loss of her brother, and how a wise counsellor taught her to train her body/emotions to grieve to a timetable, rather than being vulnerable to emotional swamping in inappropriate places and times. She set aside a time to grieve, using journalling and tears, that fitted better with her family-focussed lifestyle, and was able to manage her sadness in a more healthy way. Later, a burnout experience in  response to a toxic climate at work, led her to other practices that helped bring balance into her life - reading the Bible while waiting at soccer practice, watching Christian TV to deal with insomnia, walking, stopping, and humour - as well as a visit to the doctor for needed medication, instead of trying to "think your way through" a physical imbalance such as menopause or depression.

This week Laura told us about her busy life as a mum at home, and how she has struggled to find space for God in the midst of caring for preschoolers. Simple things, like having an afternoon tea and talking ritual with her boys each day, have actually helped her experience more rest and joy. And the two minutes stillness taught to us in the Daily Office devotional book we have been using over these weeks has also been a positive experience, though she says it is amazing how often an attempt to be still for just two minutes is interrupted by a cry for help with toileting!

I also picked up some hints for Developing a Rule from a recent conversation with a pastor who deals with a lot of people in pain and distress. He spoke of the value of taking a long shower - something recommended by John Kirwan in his book All Blacks Don't Cry. the pastor also spoke of taking heed of the supernatural dimension - asking God to do  something amazing, perhaps by seeking intentional intercessory prayer from a charismatic ministry group. And he mentioned seeking joy, noticing what brings us a sense of purpose and peace, and that helped me identify that dutifully taking the dog for a walk does not bring me joy, at least not in the same way that I experience God's presence when walking on my own. Sorry Spud, but you are ruled out as a component of my Rule.

In church this week we invited participants in our GROW series to write on a green card leaf one step they would take to start on their Rule of Life. We attached these to our trellis - a scaffolding "tree" - along with Fruit of the Spirit made by our kids ministries. It looks great - and its just a start on each of us having many conversations with God about Healthy Spirituality and the part Contemplative Practices might play in that. Peter Scazzero say his own Rule is a constantly changing pattern, one that he doesn’t even write down because he is self-aware enough to know that will send him into a frenzy of perfectionism  and  "have to’s" rather than the "want to’s" of love. Because of course the starting point of this kind of rule is love - a desire to be with God and to love him. 

For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (Romans 8: 16)

That joining is the meeting place of God’s Resources and Our Willpower, of God’s Yes and our Yes. I like this little thought on that theme from a Benedictine sister called Elizabeth:  

God is the epitome of “Yes” - all that is Affirmative and Affirming. By his “yes” all things come into being. And by our “Yes” we are able to co-operate with him, in a constant exchange of “yes” between creature and Creator.

 

Nurturing a deep and growing spirituality in our present-day culture requires a thoughtful, conscious, intentional plan, a Rule. Without it, says Dallas Willard, we’re just going to keep on producing Christians that are indistinguishable in their character from many non-Christians. 

To Chew Over: How I am building a trellis of intentionality for my spiritual life today?

Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free,
For it's only in Your will that I am free,
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

Robin Mark.